well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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