I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
