I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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