i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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