She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
tell me about the fingering
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