I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
