I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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