i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
