I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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