so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
