she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
How's work?
Spinning.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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