I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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