I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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