dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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