i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Sober January is a disaster.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
