did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
