4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
