420 ftw
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
