the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I don't deserve a penis
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
