His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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