so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize