girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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