how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
