She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
