Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
