You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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