I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
