You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I think a kid would responsible me up
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
