Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
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