Jerry, you need to find god
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize