i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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