We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
