oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
