It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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