is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The uberlube is also flammable
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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