This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
