and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
