I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
