cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
