So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize