:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
