I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
