I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
