it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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