Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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