I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize