How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
