The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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