she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
