checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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