Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
