I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
