I just cut my nipple shaving
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
