The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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