i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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