You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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