nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
