omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
