he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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