there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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