is your mom at the bar?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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