are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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