i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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