I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
