Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
