pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize