i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
