I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
