she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just had sex on a roof
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
