This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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