i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
