I'm drive I can fine osifer
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
