I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
