Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
