garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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